Big Decisions Part V: My Big Decision
For every decision you make in an empowered state, you become a wiser version of yourself. Putting yourself in a position where you need to make a huge decision is one of the hardest things to do, and one of the fastest ways to grow. Every decision adds clarity to your own personal value system and philosophy; it helps you learn what is really important to you. Here's what I learned from my decision.
I had always known that someday I would be a mother. I wanted to have two children because, being an only child myself, I had always admired the family dynamics amongst siblings, especially the ones who were protective, caring, and close. And so as I grew into a young woman and explored relationships with different men I would often ask myself: “how would we parent our children?” This question became a useful guideline for me to compare our value systems and aspirations, and inevitably, also often marked the beginning of the end of the relationship as I would discover that he was not “THE” one.
After turning thirty, and after a few heartbreaks and dating setbacks, I was strongly considering artificial insemination and becoming a single mother, because I knew time was running out. That is when I met Dennis, the absolute love of my life. It was the kind of encounter that was serendipitous, unquestionable. I knew that we were meant to be together. I felt like I had finally found the missing piece, the home I wanted so badly. The only conundrum was that Dennis could not, and did not want to, have any more children. And so I faced a decision I never thought I would have to make: To have a life of love with my soul mate, or to have a child, without the love of my life.
My Big Decision
As you may have guessed, I chose Dennis.
We have been married for two years and I have absolutely no regrets about my decision. My parents have been very supportive of my decision. I’m sure they would have loved to have a grandchild, but they have stayed true to the words they once told me: “Our greatest wish is not for grandchildren, but for you to be happy.” And as of eight months ago, I am now a grandmother by extension to my husband’s daughter, and my parents are great grandparents. Dennis and I are also godparents to our friends’ baby girl and so we are surrounded by children - albeit not our own.
There are many women who choose not to have or cannot have children. For any readers who are facing my particular big decision, I have this to say:
If we can agree that a mother is a woman who loves unconditionally, sacrifices her own needs, offers a safe place for children to grow and be, teaches life skills, and nurtures and nourishes their little souls, then any woman who has these capacities can be a mother to a child. There are many children who do not have these basic needs met. There are so many ways you can influence and inspire a child's life. You are not less of a woman because you didn’t experience pregnancy or childbirth. The woman you are bears out of your essential self and how you choose to show up in the world. Selflessness can be performed by anyone and finally, you can love anyone unconditionally, and you can be loved by anyone unconditionally, because love has no conditions!
At the end of the day, your decision is all your own. Be patient, take notes, seek wisdom from others but always measure their insights against your own truth and understanding of yourself.
Thank you for joining me in this blog series! Big decisions can be alienating and baffling experiences, so I hope this helped you gain some clarity if you are facing your own big decision. Stay tuned for more great blogs coming up! Learn more about me and my services or book a free discovery call with me today! I would love to hear from you.